How to Be a Good Martial Arts Parent

Imagine the horror:
• You’ve been driving your kids to class, tournaments and seminars for years.
• You’ve spent boatloads of money on uniforms, belts, gradings and equipment.
• You’ve invested hundreds of hours to relentlessly push your kids to the limit.

Then one day…

BANG!

They quit. Just like that.

You’re Flabbergasted. Why?!

You try to talk to them. You try to convince them to continue. You tell them they’ve come too far to quit now – give it another shot, kiddo!

But nothing works.

When a child makes their mind up, there’s not much you can do really.
So…

Naturally, you start to blame yourself.

“What did I do wrong? Why did this happen? Am I not a good parent? I bought the best trainers, the best gear, the best…”

Stop.

I’ll tell you what you did wrong:

You got so spellbound by performance, glory, spotless track records, pride, success and hard work that you forgot what TRULY matters.

Joy.

Now repeat after me:

Kids are not a physical manifestation of my own unfulfilled childhood dreams.
Got it?

Look…

In my 38 years training & 20 as an instructor and coach, growing up in a sporty family myself, I’ve witnessed too many talented kids get their enthusiasm sucked dry by well-meaning parents who unknowingly treat their kids as human bricks in a game of parental glory.

And it sickens my stomach.

If your kids’ success – whether in martial arts, football, academics or ballet – is just another status symbol for you, then you should prepare to face a sh*tstorm of consequences once they grow old enough to understand this.

But don’t worry.

There’s still hope left.

According to psychological research, there are scientifically proven phrases that parents can use with their kids to ensure they stay motivated and super happy with their performance – no matter if they’re playing piano, throwing balls or kicking ass.

The top three statements mums/dads can make as their kids perform are:

Before Performance
• “Have fun.”
• “Do your best.”
• “I love you.”

After Performance
• “Did you have fun?”
• “I’m proud of you.”
• “I love you.”

But wait.
It gets even better.

Elite coaches B. E. Brown and R. Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC once conducted a three decade long survey, asking successful college athletes what their parents said that made them feel best when they played sports as kids.

Guess what their #1 answer was?

A simple phrase consisting of six magical words:

“I love to watch you practice.”

That’s it.

Nothing aggrandizing like “you’re the champ,” or discouraging like “try harder”. Not even a deceptively supporting “here’s a couple of things you can improve.”

just...

“I love to watch you practice!”

Simple, elegant and incredibly powerful.

This 6-word phrase, parents, is the key to ensuring your kids will love to practice martial arts for years to come – with grades, belts, accolades and trophies acting as natural byproducts – not goals.

The only thing your kids really want is your undivided attention and approval anyway.

So give it to them.

Tell them: “I love to watch you practice.”

Since they love you back, the rest will take care of itself.

Greatness cannot be forced upon anyone.

It grows from the joy of practice.

Coach less.

Love more.

The Importance of BJJ for Self-Defense

The global spread of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gave our martial art thousands of practitioners, which is surely great for everyone. Unfortunately, what did not grow in the same way was the importance linked to the basics of BJJ.

In the 40s, Grand Master Carlos Gracie created many challenges to present the jiu-jitsu developed by him and his brothers to the public. During these events, Grand Master Carlos would emphasize the importance of the self-defense and how it could make a difference in people’s lives.

While the gentle art has developed much more on the ground, the Gracie family prioritized the teaching against strikes, knives, guns and other dangerous situations that ordinary people could experience in their everyday lives.

The years have passed and a lot has changed about the teaching and propagation of this fight style created by Carlos Gracie, many teams of different strains have emerged around the world. Similarly, competitions have also increased. That was a way to maintain the continuous growth of the fight, but in the sports realm. Medals and trophies have then become the priority. The basics and the self-defense portion were put in a second and third plan, if not excluded, in the practitioners’ lives.

That’s why you can still be surprised by seeing someone who claims to have “20 years of jiujitsu” not knowing how to defend against a striking opponent. There are a number of people who get the black belt and do not even know the minimum about self-defense.

At Premier BJJ we know how much the basics can make a difference. We have a curriculum specially designed for beginners, we will cove the fundamentals of Self defence situations and sport jiu jitsu.

Remember that all current techniques somehow originated from the basics, from the concept of defending yourself against aggressors. Knowing and understanding the basics is like having real knowledge of the gentle art’s history.